Nineteen

i feel so excluded.
all this time i knew this wouldn't be the way that i had dreamed.
or so it seems.
there's no place for me.
i don't belong with you or them.
but still i try to force a smile.
meanwhile i'm not ok.

i wish i could find someone who's shape could carry me inside.
go for a ride.
smoke stained walls hold good intentions all the while no mention of the way i wanted us to be.
you and me.

i guess another bridge is burned.
but i know you only smile when my back is turned.

staring at the phone won't make it ring and though i know your number like my name, i don't think i can do it.
if you were here i'd tell you everything.
i'd never say a word.
it doesn't matter anyway.
anymore.

i guess another bridge is burned.
but i know you only smile when my back is turned.

so now i know.

i guess another bridge is burned.
but i know you only smile when my back is turned...