Zombie Handjob

Folks, as you know
Ninja Brian and I love to support up-and-coming artists
Well, we've really found someone special
And we're excited to present his debut song
Please welcome Whackula, the masturbating vampire
Thank you Danny
Today I'm going to sing my new hit Halloween single
Zombie Handjob, it's based on, shall we say, personal experience
Wo-ho-ho-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
Oh my God

I was walking through the graveyard when I tripped and fell
And I heard some rumblings from the depths of hell
A hand shot up through the stones and the sticks
But it wasn't looking for brains, it was looking for dicks

It was a zombie handjob
A decomposing hand stroking my wood
It was a zombie handjob (it was a zombie handjob)
And it felt scary good

I heard some chains go clink and clank
As I lay there enjoying my eerie wank
I was now surrounded by a spooky throng
Of the stroking undead that were thirsty for schlong

It was a zombie handjob
The spirits rubbed out a gruesome wad
It was a zombie handjob (it was a zombie handjob)
And they were pumpkin my rod

Oh, looks like it's time for me to play my organ solo
And also this instrument
Oh, yes
Mm, oh that's nice, blblblblb

I gave thanks to the ghouls for their impressive dexterity
As I watched them shuffle off in my post-nut clarity
'Twas a sight most bizarre, most unearthly, most sick
The parade of the damned that had drained my whole dick

Oh look, the Moon's coming out
Speaking of coming

It was a zombie handjob (it was a zombie handjob)
A weiner massage that had me moaning with fear, oh
It was a zombie handjob (it was a zombie handjob)
And I, Count Whackula, will see you next year

Fappy Halloween
Wo-ho-ho-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
Jesus Christ