American Murder Situation

Coursing through my veins at full speed and into my mind again...and I can't see anything. Rise up to fall again..I'll make it worth it, and I can't save anything. Never thought I'd let it get like this. All I asked for was a simple kiss, but now I've gone and thrown my life away. Now I'm sinking further every day. I tried to hide this other side of me...peace outside with war inside of me, but it never lasts and now I'll pay the price all alone in this forsaken life of blasphemy. I feel a rift form between my present and future selves while the past's left to fade to gray. I've let my life become so unsustainable...so self-indulgent. Disconnect it from me. Self-destruct in 10...I sent a distress call, but no one answered. I've been forsaken with no hope for redemption. I stand before the rising flame and I'm not afraid to die...but there's still hope to find myself. It's been so long since I knew what I believed in, since I've felt a sense of purpose and direction. If I asked it of you, do you think you could forgive me for the hell I'll put you through? Self destruct engage. The satellite's down and I'm out of time. It's all or nothing now. Send me a miracle...cuz this could be my only chance at life But there's still hope...I will find myself again.